"It is always the best policy to speak the truth - unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar." (Jerome K. Jerome)
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"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." (H. L. Mencken)
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"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident." (Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860))
#
"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so." (Bertrand Russell (1872-1970))
#
"Efficiency is intelligent laziness." (David Dunham)
#
"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts." (G. B. Burgin)
#
"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." (Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826))
#
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." (Arthur C. Clarke)
#
"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth." (Umberto Eco)
#
"Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves." (J. B. Priestley)
#
"The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun." (P. G. Wodehouse)
#
"A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of." (Jane Austen)
#
"Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats." (Howard Aiken)
#
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die." (Mel Brooks)
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"Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing." (Oscar Wilde (1854-1900))
#
"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." (Jack London)
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"They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea." (Sir Francis Bacon)
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"Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work." (Gallagher)
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"He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death." (H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916))
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"The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling." (Paula Poundstone)
#
"In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri." (Douglas Adams)
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"You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty." (Cecil Baxter)
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"A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled." (Sir Barnett Cocks)
#
"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." (Mario Andretti)
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"The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense." (E. W. Dijkstra)
#
"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it" (Henry Thoreau (1817-1862))
#
"So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work." (Peter Drucker)
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"640K ought to be enough for anybody." (Bill Gates in 1981)
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"Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems." (Rene Descartes (1596-1650))
#
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." (Socrates (470-399 B.C.))
#
"Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made." (Otto von Bismarck)
#
"Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all." (Georg Christoph Lichtenberg)
#
"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty." (Sacha Guitry (1885-1957))
#
"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." (Bernard Bailey)
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"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office." (Aesop)
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"Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right." (Laurens Van der Post)
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"Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
#
"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." (Dorothy Nevill)
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"Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together." (Georg Lichtenberg (1742-1799))
#
"I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." (Robert McCloskey)
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"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." (Thomas Edison (1847-1931))
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"If you are going through hell, keep going." (Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965))
#
"The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys." (Sir William Preece)
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"Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless." (Thomas Edison (1847-1931))
#
"A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with." (Tenessee Williams)
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"History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives." (Abba Eban)
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"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." (J.R.R. Tolkien)
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"The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race." (Don Marquis)
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"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." (Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915))
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"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." (Groucho Marx (1895-1977))
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"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." (Oscar Wilde (1854-1900))
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"It was the experience of mystery - even if mixed with fear - that engendered religion." (Albert Einstein (1879-1955))
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"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action." (Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964))
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"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong." (Charles Wadsworth)
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"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." (Albert Einstein (1879-1955))
#
"A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship." (John D. Rockefeller (1874-1960))
#
"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to." (Elvis Presley (1935-1977))
#
"What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living." (Doug Larson)
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"With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion." (Steven Weinberg)
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"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." (Albert Einstein (1879-1955))
#
"A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece." (Ludwig Erhard)
#
"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it." (Mahatma Gandhi)
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"Outer space is no place for a person of breeding." (Lady Violet Bonham Carter)
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"Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places." (E. Joseph Crossman)
#
"We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming." (Wernher von Braun (1912-1977))
#
"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong." (Oscar Wilde (1854-1900))
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"I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty." (Nancy Reagan)
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"Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer?" (George Price)
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"When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world." (Washington Carver (1864-1943))
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"The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot." (Mark Twain (1835-1910))
#
"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it." (Doug Larson)
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"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." (Niels Bohr (1885-1962))
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"O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet." (Saint Augustine)
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"One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory." (Rita Mae Brown)
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"You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother." (Albert Einstein (1879-1955))
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"Facts are the enemy of truth." (Don Quixote (Man of La Mancha))
#
"The glory of great men should always be measured by the means they have used to acquire it." (Francois de La Rochefoucauld)
#
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." (Voltaire (1694-1778))
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"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." (Andre Gide)
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"The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him." (Russell Baker)
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"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." (Plato (427-347 B.C.))
#
"Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible." (Blamestorming:)
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"He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave." (Sir William Drummond)
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"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues." (Elizabeth Taylor)
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"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." (Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826))
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"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." (Vince Lombardi)
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"A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way." (John Tudor)
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"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." (Benjamin Disraeli)
#
"If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion." (George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950))
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"The only thing that's been a worse flop than the organization of non-violence has been the organization of violence." (Joan Baez)
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"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." (Albert Einstein (1879-1955))
#
"When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of putting it into practice." (Otto von Bismarck)
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"Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast." (Douglas Adams)
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"Black holes are where God divided by zero." (Steven Wright)
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"The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces." (Maureen Murphy)
#
"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'." (Yoda (The Empire Strikes Back))
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"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell." (Aldous Huxley (1894-1963))
#
"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please." (Mark Twain (1835-1910))
#
"In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it." (Anon.)
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"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." (J. Paul Getty (1892-1976))
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"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting." (Ronald Reagan)
#
"Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up." (James Magary)
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"Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening." (Barbara Tober)
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"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." (Jeff Valdez)
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"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation." (H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916))
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"All science is either physics or stamp collecting." (Ernest Rutherford)
#
"After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one." (Cato the Elder)
#
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." (Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968))
#
"The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated." (Oscar Wilde (1854-1900))
#
"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone." (Tommy Cooper)
#
"I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves." (Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951))
#
"A cult is a religion with no political power." (Tom Wolfe)
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"I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run." (Babe Ruth)
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"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." (Oscar Levant)
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"The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none." (Thomas Carlyle)
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"We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction." (General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964))
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"The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep." (Woody Allen (1935-))
#
"Heisenberg may have slept here." (Anon.)
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"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." (Malcolm Forbes)
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"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember." (Oscar Levant)
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"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" (Abraham Lincoln)
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"Confusion is always the most honest response." (Marty Indik)
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"He would make a lovely corpse." (Charles Dickens (1812-1870))
#
"The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch." (Michael Friedman)
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"Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking." (H. L. Mencken)
#
"The opposite of the religious fanatic is not the fanatical atheist but the gentle cynic who cares not whether there is a god or not." (Eric Hoffer)
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"I'll sleep when I'm dead." (Warren Zevon)
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"One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say." (Will Durant)
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"Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else." (James M. Barrie)
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"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." (Philip K. Dick)
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"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them." (Mark Twain (1835-1910))
#
"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." (H. G. Wells (1866-1946))
#
"Punctuality is the virtue of the bored." (Evelyn Waugh)
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"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." (Antoine de Saint Exupery)
#
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." (Aristotle)
#
"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." (Alan Kay)
#
"You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the continuing viability of FORTRAN." (Alan Perlis)
#
"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity." (Harlan Ellison)
#
"I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." (Jerome K. Jerome)
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"Don't be so humble - you are not that great." (Golda Meir (1898-1978))
#
"How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself." (Anais Nin (1903-1977))
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"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." (Galileo Galilei)
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"When someone tells you something defies description, you can be pretty sure he's going to have a go at it anyway." (Clyde B. Aster)
#
"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws." (Douglas Adams)
#
"The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract." (Oliver Wendell Holmes)
#
"A cucumber should be well-sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out." (Samuel Johnson (1709-1784))
#
"There are two kinds of light - the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures." (James Thurber)
#
"It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers." (James Thurber)
#
"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears that this is true." (James Branch Cabell)
#
"It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account." (Hofstadter's Law)
#
"At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies." (P. G. Wodehouse)
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"The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor." (William Feather)
#
"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe." (H. G. Wells (1866-1946))
#
"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." (Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965))
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"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." (Graffito)
#
"The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'." (Larry Hardiman)
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"Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows." (David T. Wolf)
#
"The saying 'Getting there is half the fun' became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines." (Henry J. Tillman)
#
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." (Albert Einstein (1879-1955))
#
"He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met." (Abraham Lincoln)
#
"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity." (Albert Einstein (1879-1955))
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"Minds, like parachutes, work only when open." (Anon.)
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"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." (Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965))
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"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." (Groucho Marx (1895-1977))
#
"Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it." (Stephen Vizinczey)
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"Foolproof systems don't take into account the ingenuity of fools." (Gene Brown)
#
"The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time." (Willie Tyler)
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"When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken." (Benjamin Disraeli)
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"How can I lose to such an idiot?" (Chessmaster A.Nimzovich (1886-1935))
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"You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake." (Jeanette Rankin)
#
"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously." (Hubert H. Humphrey)
#
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid." (George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950))
#
"Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with." (Intaxication:)
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"The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half." (Fyodor Dostoevsky)
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"The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said." (Peter Drucker)
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"Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday." (Woody Allen (1935-))
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"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do." (Walter Bagehot)
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"Its never just a game when you're winning." (George Carlin)
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"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines." (Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959))
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"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown." (Carl Sagan)
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"Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons." (R. Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983))
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"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it." (Moses Hadas (1900-1966))
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"We ought to do good to others as simply as a horse runs, or a bee makes honey, or a vine bears grapes season after season without thinking of the grapes it has borne." (Marcus Aurelius)
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"Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them." (Samuel Palmer (1805-80))
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"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory." (Albert Schweitzer)
#
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me." (Woody Allen (1935-))
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"Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind." (Marston Bates)
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"Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art." (Tom Stoppard)
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"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." (Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965))
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"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." (Dave Barry)
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"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity." (Anon.)
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"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck." (George Carlin)
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"Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest." (Mark Twain (1835-1910))
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"If you lend someone $20, and never see them again .. it was probably worth it." (Anon.)
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"I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated." (Poul Anderson)
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"You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing." (Michael Pritchard)
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"Learning is finding out what you already know." (Richard Bach)
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"I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right." (Frederick (II) The Great)
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"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his." (General George Patton (1885-1945))
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"The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously." (Nicholas Butler)
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"I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation." (George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950))
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"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance." (Will Durant)
#
"As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something." (Hagar the Horrible)
#
"That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake." (Ohnosecond:)
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"Getting caught is the mother of invention." (Robert Byrne)
#
"Familiarity breeds contempt - and children." (Mark Twain (1835-1910))
#
"A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read." (Mark Twain (1835-1910))
#
"First secure an independent income, then practice virtue." (Greek Proverb)
#
"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg." (Bjarne Stroustrup)
#
"I have often regretted my speech, never my silence." (Xenocrates (396-314 B.C.))
#
"All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand." (Anon.)
#
"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men." (Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968))
#
"Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all." (Georg Christoph Lichtenberg)
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"The graveyards are full of indispensable men." (Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970))
#
"Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time." (E. B. White)
#
"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed." (Sean O'Casey)
#
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is." (Chuck Reid)
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"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." (Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821))
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"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." (Oscar Wilde (1854-1900))
#
"The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything." (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)
#
"Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision." (Blake Clark)
#
"Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest." (Isaac Asimov)
#
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." (Carl Jung)
#
"Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny." (Guy Davenport)
#
"I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness." (James Thurber)
#
"Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat." (Sir Julian Huxley)
#
"I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education." (Wilson Mizner)
#
"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." (Abraham Lincoln)
#
"Imitation is the sincerest form of television." (Fred Allen)
#
"We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?" (Niels Bohr (1885-1962))
#
"A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard." (Prof. Steiner)
#
"People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news." (A. J. Leibling)
#
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." (Sidney J. Harris)
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"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered." (Voltaire (1694-1778))
#
"The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it." (C. P. Snow)
#
"Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right." (H. L. Mencken)
#
"Waving your arms around and talking b*****ks" (Testiculating:)
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"Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens." (Jimi Hendrix)
#
"A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said 'Wish you were here.'" (Steven Wright)
#
"For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three." (Alice Kahn)
#
"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." (Albert Einstein (1879-1955))
#
"A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices." (Edward R. Murrow)
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"Life is a sexually transmitted disease." (Anon.)
#
"When ideas fail, words come in very handy." (Goethe (1749-1832))
#
"The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations." (David Friedman)
#
"It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail." (Gore Vidal)
#
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." (Oscar Wilde (1854-1900))
#
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung." (Voltaire (1694-1778))
#
"If I had more time I would have written less." (Mark Twain (1835-1910))
#
"It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that." (G. H. Hardy)
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"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it." (Anon.)
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"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." (Plato (427-347 B.C.))
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"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher." (Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914))
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"No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it." (Charles M. Schulz)
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"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things." (Woody Allen (1935-))
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"Everything has been figured out, except how to live." (Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980))
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"Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions." (Oliver Wendell Holmes)
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"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth." (Sherlock Holmes)
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"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon." (Groucho Marx (1895-1977))
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"My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income." (Errol Flynn)
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"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it." (George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950))
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"What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves." (Paul Valery)
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"A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top ." (Anon.)
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"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth." (Niels Bohr (1885-1962))
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"A narcissist is someone better looking than you are." (Gore Vidal)
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"Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it." (Cullen Hightower)
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"Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself." (Jane Wagner)
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"Drama is life with the dull bits cut out." (Alfred Hitchcock)
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"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people." (Orson Welles)
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"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate." (Thomas Jones)
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"Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end." (Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971))
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"A clever man commits no minor blunders." (Goethe (1749-1832))
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"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force." (Dorothy Parker)
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"I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability." (Oscar Wilde (1854-1900))
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"Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact." (George Eliot (1819-1880))
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"A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies." (Oscar Wilde (1854-1900))
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"If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." (Isaac Newton)
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"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." (Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965))
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"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'" (Don Marquis)
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"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be." (Anon.)
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"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." (Samuel Johnson (1709-1784))
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"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." (Mark Twain (1835-1910))
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"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." (Theodore Roosevelt)
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"There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum." (Arthur C. Clarke)
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"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people." (W. C. Fields)
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"Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something." (Robert Heinlein)
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"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right." (Henry Ford (1863-1947))
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"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid." (Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855))
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"Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working." (Albert Giacometti (sculptor))
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"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." (Mae West)
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"There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else." (James Thurber)
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"In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these." (Paul Harvey)
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"With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another." (Georg Christoph Lichtenberg)
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"I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself." (Marlene Dietrich)
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"The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously." (Henry Kissinger)
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"At least two-thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity: idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religous or political ideas." (Aldous Huxley (1894-1963))
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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." (Benjamin Franklin)
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"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." (Douglas Adams)
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"Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog." (Doug Larson)
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"Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier." (Blore's Razor)
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"Have the courage to be ignorant of a great number of things, in order to avoid the calamity of being ignorant of everything." (Sydney Smith)
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"The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him." (Henry Stimson)
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"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." (Leo Tolstoy)
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"My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me." (Benjamin Disraeli)
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"It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help." (Judith Martin)
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"An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered." (G. K. Chesterton)
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"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." (Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975))
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"An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it." (Laurence J. Peter)
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"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down." (Jimmy Durante)
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"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing." (Wernher von Braun (1912-1977))
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"It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right." (Friedrich Nietzsche)
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"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." (Douglas Adams)
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"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science." (Albert Einstein (1879-1955))
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"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." (George Santayana)
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"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives." (William Dement)
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"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." (Voltaire (1694-1778))
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"It is the nature of all greatness not to be exact." (Edmund Burke)
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"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." (Alexander Pope)
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"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all." (Robert Orben)
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"Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music." (Kristian Wilson)
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"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear." (Mark Twain (1835-1910))
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"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege." (Anon.)
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"Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers." (Voltaire (1694-1778))
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"You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it." (Keith Chesterton (1874-1936))
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"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." (Bertrand Russell (1872-1970))
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"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me." (Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980))
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"The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head." (Jean Cocteau (1889-1963))
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"When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion." (Abraham Lincoln)
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"If you cannot convince them, confuse them." (Harry S. Truman)
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"Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand." (Putt's Law)
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"2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2." (Grabel's Law)
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"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function." (Anon.)
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"I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones." (John Cage)
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"Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering." (R. Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983))
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"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." (Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961))
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"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." (B.F. Skinner)
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"Eternity's a terrible thought. I mean, where's it all going to end?" (Tom Stoppard)
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"To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me." (Charles William Stubbs)
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"Don't tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results." (George S. Patton)
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"The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it." (William James)
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"When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail." (Abraham Maslow)
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"Talent does what it can; genius does what it must." (George Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873))
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"To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it." (G. K. Chesterton)
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"It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously." (Peter Ustinov)
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"Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest." (Alexandre Dumas)
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"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad." (Salvador Dali (1904-1989))
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"The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep." (W. C. Fields)
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"Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life." (Immanuel Kant)
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"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." (Isaac Asimov)
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"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...." (Carl Zwanzig)
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"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life." (Frank Zappa)
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"It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important." (Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968))
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"How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?" (Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970))
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"The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them." (Samuel McChord Crothers)
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"On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time." (George Orwell)
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"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul." (George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950))
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"Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." (Steven Wright)
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"You can fool too many of the people too much of the time." (James Thurber)
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"Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything." (Floyd Dell)
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"In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear." (John C. Dvorak)
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"It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power." (David Brin)
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"'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." (Abraham Lincoln)
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"The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television." (Anon.)
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"There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult." (C. A. R. Hoare)
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"The covers of this book are too far apart." (Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914))
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"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying." (Woody Allen (1935-))
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"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat." (Albert Einstein (1879-1955))
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"You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there." (Yogi Berra)
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"I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity." (Tom Stoppard)
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"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work." (Robert Orben)
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"The West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact, non-Westerners never do." (Samuel P. Huntington)
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"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." (Henry Ford (1863-1947))
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"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." (John Benfield)
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"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." (Last words of P.Villa (1877-1923))
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"I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking." (Katherine Cebrian)
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"When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong." (R. Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983))
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"To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all." (Peter McWilliams)
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"A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment." (Willis Player)
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"A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions." (Wilson Mizner)
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"Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong." (Dandemis)
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"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." (Noel Coward)
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"Everybody is somebody else's weirdo." (E. W. Dijkstra)
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"There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity." (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)
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"If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity." (Bill Vaughan)
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"No one can earn a million dollars honestly." (Jennings Bryan (1860-1925))
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"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed." (George Burns (1896-1996))
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"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." (Katherine Hepburn)
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"Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me." (Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914))
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"Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few." (George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950))
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"Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards." (Fred Hoyle)
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"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take." (Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965))
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"Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some." (Alfred Hitchcock)
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"It's so much easier to suggest solutions when you don't know too much about the problem." (Malcolm Forbes)
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"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down." (Robert Benchley)
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"Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment." (Barry LePatner)
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"Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles." (Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914))
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"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory." (Paul Fix)
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"We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners." (George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950))
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"A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." (Mark Twain (1835-1910))
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"Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death." (James F. Byrnes)
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"We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true." (Robert Wilensky)
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"Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much." (John Wayne)
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"Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not." (George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950))
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"Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street." (Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915))
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"Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater." (Albert Einstein (1879-1955))
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"Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock." (John Barrymore)
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"Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit." (W. Somerset Maugham)
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"Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure." (Ross MacDonald (1915-1983))
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"Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself." (Peter da Silva)
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"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." (Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959))
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"Gratitude is merely the secret hope of further favors." (Francois de La Rochefoucauld)
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"Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much." (Peter Ustinov)
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"Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet." (Dave Barry)
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"If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time." (Edith Wharton)
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"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." (E E Cummings)
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"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." (John F. Kennedy (1917-1963))
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"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents." (Nathaniel Borenstein)
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"Never eat more than you can lift." (Miss Piggy)
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"We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine." (H. L. Mencken)
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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." (Albert Einstein (1879-1955))
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"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music." (Groucho Marx (1895-1977))
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